- I am never teaching another childrens' class again.
- Parents terrify me.
- I'm sick to death of everything.
- I'm in a cyclical state of anger and bitterness and contempt for everything and anything. Mainly my self.
- Brogan's 2nd biopsies came back cancer free.
- But he needs a vaccine that Joe and I cant afford.
- I miss the person I was 3 months ago and wish I could just accept the person I apparently have become now and get it over with, rather than constantly being full of hate and loathing.
- In fact it seems I don't feel much of anything anymore except for anger, anxiety, and stress.
- I've become very self centered. See how many I's are in this post already?
- I feel shallow, superficial, daft, clueless, flighty.
- My appetite is still through the roof and I'm at my wits end over it.
- The weather has been awful; disgustingly hot for weeks on end, soon to be months.
- My student loans are in default and any day now it'll be the government banging down my door instead of sallie mae. I have no money for them no matter who's doing the calling.
- All I do is complain.
- I should be happy: Brogan is not dying so swiftly. I'll be in Ireland soon. I have a big-girl internship that should be enjoyable.
- So...what gives?
Sometimes, increasingly more often actually, it seems the only thing to do is to start smoking cigarettes again because I cannot take this any longer.
Although each day and night my mind says "I'm done, I can't do this, I quit, I can't take it," and I still haven't smoked even one drag.
But I feel miserable and I don't know what to do.